Roads
Every pothole in California will be filled, beginning with the routes I personally drive. The public will benefit eventually.
MINT
FOR
CALIFORNIA
A campaign for Governor of California. Announced on the first tee.
A campaign for Governor of California. Announced on the first tee.
In which the candidate makes one promise he intends to keep.
Filmed on location. A reservation was not required.
NOW APPEARING BESIDE MAJOR FREEWAYS. ALSO RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE.
Download the billboard. Display it tastefully.
California has tried career politicians. Now it can try someone with no résumé and perfect instincts.
Mint is not a politician, which you might not believe looking at his perfect hair.
He enters this race with no voting record to defend, no employment record to explain, and no interest in pretending California's decline is charming. The state is too crowded, too loud, too poorly dressed, and yes, the crime is out of control. A man should feel safe driving to the first tee in the morning.
His platform is simple: tax the ugly, reward the beautiful, and be honest with the people. Mint will dine at Michelin-starred restaurants on the taxpayer's dime. A relaxed leader is a better leader.
Mint brings what California's current leadership lacks: a perfect golf game, a perfect wardrobe, and a sincere commitment to restoring etiquette and taste to the greatest state in the nation.
He doesn't need this job. Which is precisely why you can trust him with it.
Every pothole in California will be filled, beginning with the routes I personally drive. The public will benefit eventually.
California will build more housing immediately, tastefully, and at a reasonable distance from existing views. Especially mine.
All commercials on television will be muted on day one. California is serene. The advertising should be too.
All restaurants will serve dinner until 11 p.m., no exceptions. Make California civilized again.
Visitors to California must wear a button-down shirt and shoes that do not reveal their toes. Reflect the beauty of this state.
A siesta, also known as a nap, will be mandatory statewide from 2 to 4 p.m. Shops will close, calls will go unanswered, and plans will wait. A well-rested California is a successful California.
Gas prices will be higher. There are too many cars on the road, and California deserves a more selective commute.
Same balcony. Better hair.
He said thank you, tipped $2, and told me to keep up the good work. What other candidate gives back?
FORMER VALETCURRENT BELIEVER
He's so tall. We would marry him. We don't even know what he stands for.
SORORITY GIRLSLIKELY VOTERS
I've seen him hit driver 320 down the middle under pressure. That tells me more than a debate ever could.
HIS CADDYCLOSE ADVISER
He once sent back a Diet Coke because it was too flat. That is the attention to detail Sacramento lacks.
A WAITERPOLICY WITNESS
He's such a sweetie pie.
MOTHERBIGGEST SUPPORTER
I asked what he stood for. He said, “Whatever you need.” I wrote the check.
A DONORAWAITING A RETURN CALL
The campaign will accept large donations, invitations to top courses, volunteers, compliments, and excessive praise. Crypto will not be accepted. No thanks.
For now, subscribe to Trust Fund Man.
Or read first, subscribe after →
Mint's personal page. Campaign doctrine, policy, complaints, and general ranting.
Field dispatches: @cmayerhq on X · @mintchiphq on Instagram
“You can judge a leader by his golf swing. Mine is perfect.”
